"Jingo" by Terry Pratchett

Plot summary: The island of Leshp has appeared again. Unfortunately, Ankh-Morpork and Klatch both claim it to be theirs, so they go to war about it after Klatch attempts to assassinate its own crown prince (maybe). In the middle of all this, Ankh-Morpork's Watch Commander, Samuel Vimes, takes the Ankh-Morpork City Watch to Klatch to try to stop everyone from going to war, since the Ankh-Morpork nobility are being too stupid to reason with.

 

Also, Lord Vetinari (did I ever actually mention him in any of these reviews? He's the surprisingly reasonable dictator of Ankh-Morpork) drags two somewhat stupid Watch members and a mad engineer off to Leshp in a submarine. I find myself liking Vetinari somewhat against my will.

 

I don't have much to say about this one, honestly. Other than how hilarious it was that Commander Vimes |arrested both armies for disturbing the peace|.

 

Were this a videogame, I'd rate it: T15+ for crude humor and swearing. It could be an okay videogame, but I wouldn't really play it.

 

3 stars. This is... not my favorite Discworld book.

Favorite lines:

    "Ah, sire, but they believe that we will turn and run as soon as we taste some cold steel."

    The Prince looked back at the distant banners. "Why?"

    "I couldn't say, sire. It appears to be an item of faith."

    "Strange." The Prince nodded to one of his bodyguards. "Fetch me some cold steel."

    After some hurried discussion a sword was handed up very gingerly, handle first. The prince peered at it, and then licked it with theatrical care. The watching soldiers laughed.

    "No," he said at last. "No, I have to say that I don't feel the least apprehensive. Is this as cold as steel gets?"

    Page 392.

    "Er... what is this thing called?" said Colon, as he followed the Patrician [Lord Vetinari] up the ladder.

    "Well, because it is submersed in a marine environment I've always called it the Going-Under-The-Water-Safely Device," said Leonard.

    Pages 226-227.

Appearances of Death count: 4.

(Endnote: Leonard of Quirm is the sort of mad genius who comes up with various anachronisms before their time. These include the likes of submarines, rocket launchers, and Scrabble. He is, however, crap at naming them.)