"Minecraft: Story Mode" by Telltale Games

I never expected I'd get to play this.

Let me explain. The original Minecraft has had four spinoffs over the course of its long life: Minecraft Dungeons, a sort-of-roguelike; Minecraft Legends, a real-time strategy; Minecraft Earth, an augmented reality phone game discontinued in 2021 because of the plaaaaague; and Minecraft: Story Mode, which is this one and which was discontinued in 2019 following the demise of the company that made it.

Fortunately, I was recently at a place with some PS4s you could play on, and one of the discs they had was for none other than Minecraft: Story Mode.

Its gameplay is kind of hard to describe; I think my best bet would be to say it's basically an interactive TV show. You make various dialogue choices and just choices in general, which shape the narrative going forward, and it's organized into "episodes".

I must make a disclaimer before I continue: I didn't finish this. I did manage to get through the first four episodes, but then I ran out of time. As such, this is mostly a review of those four: "The Order of the Stone," "Assembly Required," "The Last Place You Look," and "A Block and a Hard Place".

They constitute what's basically a story arc, dealing with a giant world-destroying monster called the Wither Storm that's destroying the world. It looks appropriately scary. 

(The other four episodes of Season 1 are just random self-contained adventures, for the most part.)

I described this game to one of my relatives as "basically if Winter Morgan was good." It hits many of the same plot beats as Winter Morgan's myriad series of rather shovelwarey unofficial Minecraft novels: somewhat unrealistic use of command blocks, bands of unlikely everyman heroes, et cetera. Unlike those books, however, this one is official, and its heroes are much more competent. Its villains are also actually competent and threatening, contrary to Winter Morgan's grandiose and pretentious bad guys.

I don't really have any desire to play Minecraft Earth. Unlike the other spinoff games, it was designed to be a mobile game, and those are mostly somewhat interchangeable.

I think Minecraft: Story Mode is the only official Minecraft product to acknowledge the existence of command blocks in-story. Make of that what you will.

This is a videogame, and it's rated E10+.

4 stars.

(Endnote: i have failed to keep to my schedule. oh the horror)

"Winter's Maiden" by Morgan L. Busse

One of the promotional quotes on the back of the dustjacket says that this book "captivates from page one". And I agree. It captivates from page one until page 136.

 

Unfortunately, that's not the end of the book.

 

I only read the first half of this, which follows a fantasy!Norse warrior named Brighid as Murphy decides to enforce his Law. I liked that part and I wish the entire book was about her, because that would have meant some proper Epic Fantasy Drama.

 

But on page 136, a guy named Kaeden shows up, which is the first we've seen or heard of him this entire time; he hasn't been foreshadowed even a little bit. Kaeden is our second protagonist, and he's the embodiment of one of my least favorite main character types: the overpowered chosen one who doesn't want to be the overpowered chosen one and angsts about it despite having no real reason to do so. Like I said in my review of Steal Fire from the Gods, it felt like the story had suddenly turned into a teenager's self-insert fanfiction. The contrast of this guy's whining about his imagined problems with Brighid's bearing up under her actual problems was so jarring I stopped reading within a few pages, simply because I didn't want to have to deal with him any longer than I had to.

 

That said, I do want to provide a full review of this book. However, not having finished it, I can't write one. So I have turned to my pseudonymous relative Kittens, who actually has finished it, for assistance in this difficult task.

 

Without further ado, here's Kittens on the second half of Winter's Maiden.  

 

<kittens>

 

The second half was definitely less good, mostly due to Kaeden being less cool than Brighid. He kind of annoys me in that he's a grown man and acts like he's a teenager in the sulky phase. He has this whole melodramatic attitude toward his problems that makes you just want to shake him and tell him to deal with it and act like a man.

 

He and Brighid do eventually meet up and he does pretty much get over his problems, mostly because he's finally decided to embrace his whole 'overpowered chosen one'-ness.

 

Brighid's still way cooler and I think it would've been better if the whole thing was about her, because she deals with problems way better than Kaeden does. She takes life with a 'nothing can stop me' sort of attitude and toughs through it, Kaeden doesn't. He takes life with a 'if I don't like it, I'ma run away!' attitude - that's literally what he was doing in the beginning.

 

There are parts in Kaeden's half from her point of view, too, and those make you appreciate the personality difference more (and by appreciate I mean notice).

 

Anyhow, it was still a good book (good enough I did finish it) and I'll read the sequel when it comes out, but I feel like there was enough material for Brighid to have the whole book without dragging in Kaeden and putting half of it in his point of view. He could still've been in it, that would have been fine, but I don't think his POV was entirely necessary. 

</kittens>

 

Were this a videogame, I'd rate it: T15+ for violence and some implied sexual content.

 

4 stars.

 

(Endnote: Brighid's adopted mom is named Elphsaba, which is an unfortunate name in a world where Wicked is the whole thing it is now.)

"Spooksville: The Cold People" by Christopher Pike

I never thought I'd find any children's light horror series that's lamer than Creepover, but here we are. At least Creepover's ghostwriters were actually, y'know, ghostwriters and had some grasp of how to write. Christopher Pike doesn't seem to, and his prose is so bad that I actually DNF'd the book.

Creepover is so bad it's kind of funny how bad it is. Spooksville went out the other end of that and is so bad it's just bad. As you know, Bob, using the "As you know, Bob" technique to introduce backstory or remind readers of events from previous books is generally a terrible idea. There are probably more quibbles I could have had with it had I read past the first chapter or so. 

I picked this up based on the cover blurb, and was not very disappointed. If someone wants to write one that has roughly the same plot but doesn't have Christopher Pike writing, go ahead, and I'll give you an imaginary box of donuts and some fake internet points.

Right before I DNF'd this, the characters decide to melt one of the giant ice cubes with spooky people inside. Never mind that A) they do this by building a fire without any regard for fire safety, B) I haven't managed to do the math for it (the internet is unhelpful) but that's about 56 cubic feet of ice they're melting with a single campfire so it would take eons, and C) there's a spooky person trapped in the ice, and freeing him (by melting the ice) would probably be a bad idea because then he would be free to be all spooky.

Were this a videogame, I'd rate it: Insufficient data for meaningful answer, since (again) I didn't read past the first chapter because I couldn't handle Christopher Pike's awful writing any longer.

1 star, unless the writing picked up drastically after the first chapter or so.

(Endnote: "The Cold People" is at once a title evocative of the bad prose in this book and a title that, on something better than this, would highlight a fairy-tale-gone-wrong aspect of the story. I mean, maybe it's supposed to do that for this too, but if so, it didn't work.)

"Hall of Heroes" anthology

Behold the third (and, so far, longest) one of these collections that I've read!

"Alancia's Dance" by H. L. Burke: A technically-not-matador-but-only-because-this-isn't-Spain woman meets Totally Not Daedalus, then falls in love. The king disapproves. I didn't really like this one.

"The Hero Feat of Hannah Helstrom" by J. Philip Horne: Superheroes, including one whose power is regeneration and literally nothing else. This one is decent.

"In Plain Sight" by Arthur Daigle: A stage magician with animated (non-creepy) dolls |turns out to be a real magician slash mad scientist with animated objects that are a lot more dangerous|. One of the best ones in the collection.

"Finn MacRorie and the River Dragon" by Katy Huth Jones: Ireland/Scotland, [insert year]: A random knight-errant shows up at a village, fixes this one family's problems, and then leaves. It feels like something out of an Irish/Scottish-flavored King Arthur legend.

"Little Victories" by Karin De Havin: Local escaped-pet-whisperer accidentally discovers injured fairy. This one isn't anything terribly special, but it's a solid story.

"And Only the Eyes of Children" by Laura VanArendonk Baugh: Turns out the Fair Folk do not like {T15+ at least child sex trafficking}. Well-executed, if not very appropriate for young readers.

"The Demon Monkeys" by A. R. Silverberry: Medieval non-European-flavored village is terrorized by demon monkeys. |Who are actually just bandits carrying howler monkeys|. Then a wizard(ish person) shows up. This one is okay.

"Superhero Publicist" by Janeen Ippolito: Exactly what it sounds like. A publicist for superheroes/supervillains has to deal with a supervillain who abruptly became a superhero instead due to converting to Christianity. The premise is good. The story is okay.

"Sweet Basil" by Lea Doué: Magic Is Banned™. Our protagonist has magic. You can see where this is going.

"Darkness Follows the Light" by David Millican: I mean, if there were evil child-stealing monsters, they probably would hang around bad neighborhoods. This one is not appropriate for children.

"Presenting... The Steampendous Adventures of Josiah U. Bear and the Rubber Barons" by D. W. Frauenfelder: A vaguely turn-of-the-century-esque story involving a nation of talking bears. Requires a lot of suspension of disbelief.

"River's Edge Ransom" by Julie C. Gilbert: Apparently part of a larger series. Fantasy. It's okay, I guess.

"The Love Talker" by Deanna Fugett: There's an evil monster that goes around breaking girls' hearts for the heck of it. There are also some protagonists. This one is decent, but not my cup of cheese.

"Gem" by RJ Conte: An alternate-universe world is attempting to shake itself to pieces. Except: That world's God has given them psions that can hold it together with their brains. Except: They never actually get to be more than about seven before the world tries to shake itself to pieces again. Less depressing than it sounds.

"Leticia's Song" by Jessica L. Elliott: Sort of like that one fairytale with the guys who get turned into swans. Also somewhat involves Not!Pandora's Box. This one is decent.

"The Wooden Ruler" by David Millican: Turns out if you make sentient gnome dolls, they might get too sentient. And view you as eldritch horrors. This is definitely an interesting read.

"The Tale of Sir Ronan of Camelot" by Frank B. Luke: Strongly Camelot-flavored, with a pronounced secondary taste of allegory. Didn't like it much.

"A Fiery Gift" by A. J. Bakke: Adorable volcano otters! And some point it's trying to make, probably, but I'm just here for the adorable volcano otters.

"The Hero of Emoh: A Parent's Fairytale" by Sarah Ashwood: DNF'd this one because I could just taste the sappiness and the spelling-things-backwards and was not in the mood for that. I'm still not.

"Sacrifice to the Iara" by H. L. Burke: Sort of ancient-South-American-civilization-flavored. It's got the winged and feathered serpents for that, at least. Well-executed.

"Charla Visits Earth" by Diane Astle: Fish-out-of-water where the fish is actually a mermaid, making that phrase both metaphorical and literal for this case. This one is okay.

"Cry of the Cave Lion" by E. Kaiser Writes: Cave lions. And the hunter-gatherers who hunt them.

"Save the Day" by Page Zaplendam: Teenage superheroes. A fairly realistic take on that subgenre, in fact. This is one of the better stories in here.

"Boy of Sand and Sky" by Laura Matthias Bendoly: Ancient France! But with a kid who can do miracles, and who apparently factors into some other stuff this author's written.

"Teamwork" by Laura VanArendonk Baugh: Have you ever heard of the "Choking Doberman" urban legend? It's basically {T a dog starts mysteriously choking, and when taken to the vet, turns out to be choking on some severed human fingers}. This story is just that urban legend in short story form.

"The Ungifted Twin" by Tamie Dearen: Classic "girl with no magic power in universe where everyone has a magic power" story. This one is okay.

"Not Quite a Hero" by Arthur Daigle: The mayor's intrepid daughter and... how do I even begin to describe Sorcerer Lord Jayden? They meet for the first time in this, then fight a giant shapeshifting monster made of dead stuff. This is my favorite story in the entire collection.

Were this a videogame, I'd rate it: T15+ for child abuse and sexual references.

On the low side of 4 stars; would have been 3, but "Not Quite a Hero" exists.

(Endnote: Arthur Daigle is fast rising in the ranks of my favorite authors. The nonexistent ranks, because I don't actually have a list.)

Mini-Reviews 3: Three is Company

Anyone who guesses what the title is from wins some fake internet points and an imaginary medal that says "Person Who Guessed What The Title Is From."

 

 

The Sky-Liners by Louis L'Amour

It's been a while since I've reviewed a Louis L'Amour book on here. Time to rectify that.

This one is about two brothers, Flagan and Galloway Sackett, who get tasked with escorting a girl from Appalachia to Texas. This is complicated by the fact that a Bad Guy is chasing her to marry her for her money because she's rich, and she's currently nursing a major crush on said Bad Guy because she's unaware that, in addition to being a Guy, he is in fact Bad.

So they do attempt to escort the girl, and have a bunch of run-ins with the Bad Guy and his gang of assorted ne'er-do-wells along the way. And they meet up with Cap Rountree (one of the "other cool people" that I mentioned in my review of The Daybreakers) along the way, too, which was fun. I do like how random characters with their own Louis L'Amour books pop up in different ones.

Were this a videogame, I'd rate it: T for western violence and (I think) some bad language.

4 stars. This was decent.

Tags for this one: 4-star, adventure, Louis L'Amour, rated T, Western

Onyeka and the Academy of the Sun by Tolá Okogwu

 

Academy of Sun not actually on sun. Disappointed. DNF.

Videogame: IDK, didn't finish.

Stars: Insufficient data for meaningful answer.

Tags for this one: Modern setting, DNF'd

Changers no. 1: The Gathering Storm by H. K. Varian

 

It's about kids who can turn into mythological animals with superpowers.

 

I think that had I first discovered this series when I was like 11, it would have been my new favorite thing. However, I'm not 11, and this is too far below my general reading level nowadays for me to get as much enjoyment out of it as I would have back then.

That's not to say it's bad; it's just not my style anymore.

Were this a videogame, I'd rate it: A soft E10+ for mild fantasy violence. This could make a decent videogame.

3 stars.

Tags for this one: 3-star, rated E10+, modern setting, urban fantasy

(Endnote: The names and surnames in Onyeka and the Academy of the Sun all have like five diacritics apiece. I get that it's foreign and all, but that's too many.)

"Found Things" by Marilyn Hilton

I'm just going to say up front that this isn't a bad book, though I disliked it.

In fact, I DNF'd it, because it annoyed me. This is mostly due to the fact that the author tried to give the main character a unique speaking voice, but it ended up seeming like she didn't understand how verbs work.

Or maybe the main character didn't understand how verbs work.

The story wasn't intriguing enough for me to keep reading despite not liking something about the book, unlike with Riley's Ghost, where the content level annoyed me but I read through it anyway because I wanted to know what happened. However, if a book annoys me and I don't actually care enough about what's happening to wade through it... recipe for a DNF.

Were this a videogame, I'd rate it: E10+, for some tense bits involving a |car crash|. 

I am afraid this book gets 2 stars. If the main character had understood verbs, I might have finished it, and it might have gotten more. Buuuuuuuuut... no.

(Endnote: The problem with verbs was mostly her using the first person present tense on every verb, regardless of who's doing it and when. But only sometimes. It flickered on and off. Actually, if she'd only ever used the first person present tense, that wouldn't have bothered me, because I'd have gotten used to it. It was the inconsistency that made it annoying.)

"Dungeon Academy: No Humans Allowed" by Madeline Roux

Don't bother.

I'm serious, just don't bother. You'd think the official product would be about on par with things like The Green Ember, but apparently not.

The crux of the problem is, I didn't care. This obviously-secretly-a-human girl? Nope, I have no opinion on whether or not she should get out alive, dead, with an arm cut off, driven insane, ANYTHING. Didn't care, couldn't have cared if I tried. Believe me, I did try.

And this right here is why I DNF'd this book and give it one star. Any of the main characters could die, and the status quo would be exactly the same without them   better, in some cases. Cooler people will prevail; I find it hard to imagine that a literal dragon would have trouble beating any of the villains (army of zombies? Incinerate.) Or the school's principal, a beholder; you can fly above whatever enemies and laser them to death.

 

My only theory as to why this happened is that the author tried to do your standard "ragtag band of misfits", but turned it up to 11 and had an uber-ragtag band of uber-misfits nobody would ever miss. It didn't help that three of the characters were jerks, three of them were whiny (I'll give the protagonist credit for that, she wasn't), and one of them just felt kind of flat. Really, all of them felt kind of flat, but that guy more than most.

Were this a videogame, I'd rate it: T. It... would probably make a far better videogame than a book, but guess what? It's already a game. We call it Dungeons and Dragons, and it is waaaaaaaaaay more fun than this book was.