"Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident" by Eoin Colfer

Ayep, book 2 of Artemis Fowl, and all the major characters from Book 1 are back.

We have Artemis Fowl, the now-thirteen-year-old evil genius. We have his butler, Butler. We have Captain Holly Short, the fairy Artemis kidnapped in Book 1. We have Commander Root, a grumpy fairy police guy. We have Foaly, a centaur tech guy who wears a literal tinfoil hat. And last but not least or maybe least, we have Mulch Diggums, a kleptomaniac dwarf who's basically a walking fart joke.

(I don't particularly like Mulch Diggums.)

Anyway, this installment is about Artemis trying to get his kidnapped father back from the Russian mafia. And also about the assorted fairies having assorted problems with battery smuggling. (Apparently fairies don't do batteries, or something.)

The fairies think Artemis is behind this, so they arrest him. Artemis is not behind it. However, he gets shanghaied into figuring out who's smuggling batteries. Then he shanghais the various fairies (really just Root and Holly) into helping him get his dad back.

Were this a videogame, I'd rate it: T again, for violence (mild and fantasy, again), |Holly's finger getting cut off (don't worry, it gets reattached)|, maybe some swearing (don't remember), and some crude humor (mostly Mulch Diggums-related).

I'm giving this one 4 stars. It didn't grab me like Book 1 did.

 

Favorite lines:

    Artemis avoided other teenagers and resented being sent to school, preferring to spend his time plotting his next crime.

   So, even though his involvement with the goblin uprising during this year was to be traumatic, terrifying, and dangerous, it was probably the best thing that could have happened to him. At least he spent some time outdoors, and got to meet some new people.

    It's a pity most of them were trying to kill him.

    Page -1.

(Endnote: On the actual cover, Holly does have pupils and irises, but for some reason they don't show up terribly well in the image. Also, Artemis has a cool scarf.)

"Artemis Fowl" by Eoin Colfer

This book's authentication as not inappropriate came with a large side of warnings about "but it's about the bad guy!" and "he's so annoying!". However, I'm partial to a spot of villain protagonist once in a while, and Artemis didn't annoy me. I suspect he would be completely insufferable in real life, but he's quite fun to read about.

Yes, Artemis Fowl is an evil genius who hatches a plan to kidnap a fairy and hold them for ransom. However, only the broad strokes of his plan really work out. The book is mostly about him trying to hold on to the fairy for any appreciable time, trying to ransom the fairy, and trying to hold on to the ransom money for any appreciable time. Doesn't help him much that the entirety of the fairy police is trying to get their person back.

 

Basically, Artemis Fowl is Professor Moriarty if Professor Moriarty were twelve, didn't have his network of criminals, lived in the modern day, and didn't live in London.

As it turns out, I like books with smart protagonists. If the bad guys are lame enough that your protagonist has to also be lame in order to give you any tension (I'm looking at you, Dungeon Academy: No Humans Allowed), someone is doing something wrong.

Were this a videogame, I'd rate it: T for some swearing and crude humor, and also mild violence and fantasy violence. I feel like it could be a fun videogame in the right hands, something chapter-based but not a visual novel, like how (I think) Deus Ex: Mankind Divided has its different mission/quest/things.

We haven't had one of these since Five Worlds back in January. One of what? Books rated 5 stars.

 

(Endnote: Artemis' plans are like clockwork. They go off perfectly and on time, unless you have a bunch of people determinedly throwing monkey wrenches at them.)