"The Adventurer's Guide to Dragons (and Why They Keep Biting Me)" by Wade Albert White

Y'all remember how I reviewed The Adventurer's Guide to Successful Escapes? And then did it again three years later? That book is actually the first in a trilogy, and this is the second book.

Basically, the protagonists of the last book (main character Anne, the thief blacksmith; deuteragonist Hiro, the somewhat inept wizard; and deuteragonist Penelope, the fighter) are attending an award ceremony so they can receive the award for Best Illegal Quest That Nearly Destroyed the Entire World. Unfortunately, the award ceremony is promptly attacked by a mysterious thief and his walking suits of armor (with taser spears), who tries to steal Anne's magick quest gauntlet and start a Dragon Slayer Quest. Anne ends up accidentally starting the Dragon Slayer Quest instead, then gets arrested because murder (even of dragons) is illegal.

No, it doesn't matter that the quest specifies the method of killing the dragon queen, which is to let her die of old age. Of course, Anne and her friends do not tend to actually stay arrested for long, especially because the mysterious thief and his taser-spear-wielding suits of armor are trying to slay the dragon queen. And they must be stopped, because A) murder (even of dragons) is wrong, and B) if the dragon queen doesn't die of old age then that means the quest fails.

And from there, adventures ensue. The ancient robots and computers and holograms are back in full swing for this installment (still one of my favorite tropes), and we get more glimpses into the depths of the lore. (Not nearly as many as in the next book, though.)

I also liked that with the awards ceremony, we see a bit of the wider Hierarchy (that being the term for the assembly of floating islands that is this universe's setting). These books don't bog themselves down with pointless setting exposition, which makes it all the more fun when we do get little tidbits of it.

Also, in case you were wondering, this book is still completely hilarious.

Were this a videogame, I'd rate it: E10+ for fantasy violence.

4 stars.

Favorite lines:

    "Choice of weapon?" the general asked stiffly.

    Mr. Darkflame snatched two utensils from the table. "Salad forks at ten paces."

    Page 26.

    Forge anew the blade of fifteen fingers, 

    Anoint it with a true heir's final breath,

    Kill not the queen of dragons on her throne,

    But let wonder bring the harbinger of death.

    Page 68. The second quest riddle.

    ALL QUEST ACADEMIES EMPLOY THE FOLLOWING GRADING SYSTEM:

    P    Pass (congratulations, you passed!)

    B    Burnt to a crisp (a dragon set your homework on fire)

    Q    Quack (your homework was graded by a duck)

    V    Vacation (your teacher has taken a leave of absence because of how badly you performed)

    F    Fail (or, if there were crumbs on your paper, possibly Fruitcake)

    Page 300.

    "What's the '|Cave of Marv dash E one|'?" asked Jeffery.

    Page 331. Jeffery, doing a minor paradigm shift entirely by accident.

    Hiro received a new Special Order Spell Catalog in the mail and immediately tried out the Pillar of Flame spell. This did not end well. Penelope continued practicing her swordplay, and she became so good that she no longer stabbed people in the buttocks by accident. She now did so only on purpose.

    Page 366. From the epilogue.

(Endnote: Magick is spelled with a K in this series. Unlike in Five Elements: The Emerald Tablet, it doesn't bother me at all in the Adventurer's Guide series, probably because this series is actually well-written.)